Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents

An essential read for anyone dealing with narcissistic relationships
After coming out of a marriage to a narcissist I was recommended this book and found it to be important to my healing because I realised that my mother is also a narcissist. I had been re-enacting my role as 'supply' and had simply switched from my mother to my husband. One suggestion that I took on board was to talk to my siblings about their experiences and observations. When I did it validated my own. One sibling described being around her as 'having to walk on eggshells'. It made me feel less guilty reading this book because I had already created a distance between myself and her in order to preserve my own identity. Even though I am 60 and she is 80, she still criticises my hair, my make-up, my clothes, my friends, etc. As her only daughter I suffered more than my brothers from her inability to see me as an individual. She tried from my earliest memory to 'fix' me because she saw me as an accessory. Not all the suggestions in the book will work for all children of narcissistic parents and ultimately it will be up to the reader to decide the degree of their parent's narcissism and which strategies to employ but I thought there was a wide ranging number of valid suggestions to draw on. I was able to end my marriage to a narcissist but a parent is a relationship for life. This book helped me accept the finality of that and the reality that she will not change. I now employ a combination of strategies - from deflection to distancing - in order to continue having a relationship with her. In the end a narcissistic person will always frustrate and upset others because they have no empathy and therefore lack the ability for true intimacy or emotional attachment. That's hard for a daughter to accept but at long last after reading this book I felt able to move on and love myself for who I am, knowing that she never will.

Good Explanation about NPD but Lacks Any Examples
I enjoyed reading "Children of the Self-Absorbed". It showed me some of the aspects that this personality disorder can have on children that were not this clear from other books. The only thing that I did not like about this book was the lack of any examples. The author would go in depth describing different reactions and mechanisms as a result of parental NPD and I could relate to them for the most part but I feel that if there were more specific examples, I could better relate to the situation and also visualize, remember the concepts and apply them to my daily life more. This book felt a little bit like a textbook on psychology. I might be biased because before this I read the book "Narcissistic Mothers and Their Daughters" which I could entirely relate and liked much better. So well written, great and very relatable examples. I think that it made me better realize the issues with NPD and make more progress on my personal development.

Great Help
I wish I had read this book when my mother was still alive. It helps you to learn how to effectively deal with the self absorbed people in your life, how not to be too vulnerable to their assaults, criticisms and invasive inquiries. If you have a difficult parent this is a helpful guide to real interactions.

Helped me tremendously!
This book offers what I wish I would have gotten from the numerous therapists I've seen over the years trying to understand my abusive irrational immature parents and my own inability to sustain long term relationships. I found the quizzes essential and enlightening...not only for determining if your parents have narcisstic issues but how they affect you and how you can heal yourself. I perhaps would like to see more information about what causes a person to have DNP, but it is somewhat fitting not to go into it here, because as emphasized in the book, it is not the child's problem and the child cannot fix it. The diagnostic section alone is thorough and well worth the price of the book. Every person may not relate to every healing exercise offered here and I picked and chose through them myself...but at least tools and techniques are offered which is more than I can say for every therapist I've ever seen and spent much more money on. If you have truly been raised by a narcissist, you will relate to the information in this book and will likely benefit greatly from reading it. Thank you Nina Brown!

More for high-school or college students
The book is written in a very simple way amd is extremely repetitve in its approach. The author suggests reading "Cat in the Hat" or visualizing a steel wall between you and your aggressor as coping mechanisms. I don't know if the author has ever tried these methods when dealing with narcissism/borderline personalities; I found the only way to get relief was to cut off all communication and end the relationship permanently--an option mentioned only once in the book. The focus of this book clearly encourages readers to continue trying to deal with their aggressors, which can be dangerous and futile even in the short-term.

I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone who is actually dealing with a psychotic individual.