The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family

Understanding Opposition, Defiance and Disrespect
Thirty years of experience as a foster/adoptive parent and adoption professional have required constant search for resources that will help us understand our children's opposition, defiance and disrespect. The title of this book "The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family", says it like it is. It can bring hope and provide a path for healing. There have been times when I, even after all my years experience with ten adopted children, have lost hope for our youngest child. The Connected Child has restored that hope. Mother of twelve and founder of HOPE INC,Inc. Hawaii

A "Must Read" for Adoptive Parents
Wow! As an adoptive mother to three lovely daughters adopted in China, I have gathered much information about Attachment from various resources over the past 9 years. This book takes all that information and puts it in ONE place! I cannot state strongly enough my opinion that this book should be read (and reread) by all adoptive parents. I have been glued to this book, and will refer back to it countless times in years to come!

A Good Place to Start for Adoptive Parents
This is a good 'starter' book for adoptive parents. It includes information about some of the key issues and struggles adoptive parents can anticipate, but it doesn't explore these in much depth. As a child psychologist who primarily works with foster and adopted children and their families, I often recommend this book, but parents usually find they have to turn to other sources for more comprehensive information. But if you're new to adoption, I recommend reading this book. If necessary, you can explore the other possibilities at a later date.

Christopher Alexander, Ph.D. (Author, 'Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment of Foster and Adopted Children; A Guide for Parents and Practitioners,' 2009)

A must read
For anyone adopting an older child I think this is a must read book. I originally took this book out of the library, read it twice and still felt I needed to own it so I could mark pages for reference. The only information I wish was included is how to tackle some of these issues with a foreign born child who doesn't understand your language yet. FYI: I found this helpful for parenting my biological child as well as understanding myself better.

Connected Child provides solid direction for helping troubled adopted children
We're the parents of a couple of adopted kids, and have continually searched for specific information about adopted children with broad-spectrum diagnoses (ADHD, ODD, RAD, Bipolar Disorder). At one time or another, our kids have had all of these diagnoses attached to their issues/behaviors.

It's become clear to us -- and other parent of adopted kids with whom we speak -- that these broad-spectrum diagnoses are "convenient" terms in which to bucket our kids. These kids frequently show the same issues and inappropriate behaviors. Unfortunately, the standard process for addressing these issues (positive reinforcement, drug therapies, structured responses, diet modifications) never seem to work. This appears especially true of those kids, such as our daughter, who are adopted from Eastern European insitutions/orphanages.

We're read all of the general literature regarding these broad-spectrum diagnoses and tried every guideline in these books on how remediate these issues and bad behaviors -- all with little or no success.

"The Connected Child" speaks directly to the behavioral issues and unique emotional requirements that these adopted children require. Their approach -- based on the TCU Institute of Child Development methodology --is more a process for modifying parent behavior than addressing the child's issues and behaviors. Specifically, the book suggests that all of these kids exhibit behaviors based on perceived threats and fears established/learned during their earliest years in institutions. It recommends that parents develop -- and consistently reinforce -- a loving, affectionate, trusting and safe environment for these kids so that they can grow away from viewing people and life situations in a fearful or threatening way.

While "The Connected Child" makes a strong case for the unique issues associated with these institutionalized children and lays a relatively solid foundation for how to cope with and reach these children, in my opinion, their relatively "easy read" book with short "punchy" chapters and sections doesn't lay out the kind of structured or disciplined approach required. The authors are suggesting a life-changing and home environment-changing methodology for both the affected children, their parents and siblings, and other significant influencers in the kid's lives (teachers, counselors). More detailed direction on how to successfully implement their methodology would have been appreciated.

Additionally, I find their frequent use of "semi-miracle" anecdotes a bit too much: child couldn't be reached using standard therapies; parents -- at wit's end -- try the "Connected Child" methodology; child cured. I'm sure that there's much more trial-and-error or initial failures (by both the kids and the parents) with their methodology than are depicted in this book.

Still, I would recommend that this book be read by those parents with those adopted children who have been institutionalized and who have not responded to the traditional therapies for these broad-spectrum diagnoses. The "Connected Child" approach for building a safe and secure environment for these unique kids -- however difficult for the parents to accomplish -- deserves attention.